Saturday, December 17, 2011
Here Come the Holidays...
People around me are flocking--completely anxious for Christmas break. But I have reached a state of calmness. I'm not losing my mind counting down the days before break--I am ok with it. I had a fantastic last week at work. This kids were surprisingly compliant, and I had the opportunity to chaperone my first field trip to the local skating rink. I haven't skated since the days of Skate World in 7th grade myself, but it was pretty fun!
My students are currently studying the Industrial Revolution Unit, where they are learning about industrialization, imperialism, and basic principals of economics. Their unit test is to be this Thursday, after a few days of review to make them as fully prepared as possible. We are also working on respect. I have become increasingly stricter and more consistent regarding classroom management, and I can tell the difference in just two weeks time. I make sure my students know they they always have the opportunity to make their own choices, but that their choice may sometimes come with a consequence. My method of discipline is as simple as writing a reflection essay, which my kids receive after their 3rd misbehavior for the class period. It is possible to earn more than one essay also. If they do not return the essay to me by class time the next day, they immediately go to a timeout room and are not able to enter the classroom again until they have accepted responsibility for their actions and become accountable.
It's a bummer that I am not allowed to show any holiday cheer in this school, because it might make parents "angry" because of religious reasons. So, when you teach, don't try and wear a halloween costume (even when they never told you you couldn't), and don't try and be a jovial person around the holidays. It will bite you in the ass.
I had a class long observation by my principal Friday with my most difficult class, both behaviorally and academically speaking. It went....ok. Even though I sometimes find myself pulling out my hair, they were so eerily quiet. The level that which I have to teach them is heartbreaking. I have students, whom in the 7th grade, are working at a 2nd grade level- max. They know hardly any English, yet I am expected to teach them the standards at the same level of rigor and with the same academic vocabulary....even when I say.. "write the title at top," and they look at me and have ZERO idea what a title is. Many of them are at the pre-emergent or emergent stage for English skills. I would definitely say that one of my weaknesses is trying to adapt to these students, because I have no idea when something makes sense to them, and which things work best for them yet. AND I have students mixed into this class who are performing at or above grade level that I am expected to teach and challenge as well.
I never said teaching was easy, and anyone who thinks it is is OUTRAGEOUS. Especially for teachers in their first years. But the hilarity of things that come out of my students mouths make it all worth it. The coworkers that I have that are amazing people totally help me through it...those that do not try and talk shit and create drama.
So, on Friday, December 23rd, I finish out my second quarter of teaching -- the first semester. I will be ONE QUARTER of the way done!!! I will have been teaching for 7 months! HOLY CRAP. hahaha...and at 6am, December 24th, I will be OFF!!! And back to Oregon for two weeks in the cold in the rain. I ask that you PLEASE try and get ahold of me now and try and make plans if you want to see me, because I hate the wishywashy shit about trying to hang out once I'm already there, since I don't have my own car there. Ooook. Here we go! Time to work ok. xxxx
Sunday, December 4, 2011
Coming Out of the Slumps.
There's this thing, know as the phases of first-year teachers attitudes towards teaching. This graph, says exactly how I've been feeling since July...so I'll just paste it in here. Let me note that this graph is according to the traditional September start, so bump back the graph in your mind so that the survival stage is at the beginning of August, since that is when I started school. It will also explain why I haven't written a new entry since August---mid survival stage.
The beginning of July I was highly anticipatory. While I was wiped out from long trainings, I was ready for the beginning of the school year and the start of my new life.
August hit, and it was a whirlwind, trying to keep up with lesson plans so I wouldn't fail my students. I spent my time trying to grade all the papers I gave them and build quality connections, and forgot about the most important thing--giving them a valuable education. I wanted to give them all the education in the world, but it wasn't until September that I started analyzing and criticizing my teaching methods in order to adjust them and give my students the best lessons possible. Taking large amounts of history and trying to get 12 year olds who are 3 years behind in reading and writing to remember it all is a difficult task. But through the past 4 months, I have been fine-tuning these skills, and am feeling much more confident in my ability to teach these children and change their lives.
October, when the rest of the state was on a one week fall break, my school did not get it. THIS was the slump into disillusionment. Oh my God, the hardest two months of my life were here, and I have never shed more tears. My administration has been completely unsupportive, but it finally hit the point where I felt as if they were trying to get me to fail my students so they could fire me. Their constant badgering turned me into a mess, and the stress was of ridiculous proportions. The homesickness was at full force, and I wanted more than anything to be able to go home. My sister came, which was a great help, and them one month later, November 10th-ish my mom came. It wasn't until the week after my mom came that I began to pick my head back up. My perspective as a teacher has shifted, and I have come to realize how much I love and appreciate my job, despite the great difficulty of it. There is still so much to learn, and juggling grad school and trying to sleep at the same time is very difficult.
I tried more than anything to keep my head up during this period, and I'll admit, not hearing the support from my "friends" back home made it even worse. People who said they really cared about me didn't make much attempt to talk to me, or try and save up to come see me. I have always been an attentive person, so I know peoples' spending habits when I'm around them. Which is why I know I am not a priority in many people's lives, because they would rather buy shoes than see me. Going home for Thanksgiving drilled that in even further, because only very few people reached out to see me. My heart feels empty, feeling residual feelings of love and desire for the ones that got away. That, is not a good feeling. I can't help thinking about that "what if" from 2 years ago, or the "what if" right now. One thing I do know in life, is that I want to find someone for me.
But even still, I am happy, and once again fully content living in Phoenix, Arizona. I knew I loved it here, especially the weather, but the feelings of homesickness made me doubt myself. I thought, if I was at home there would be people who would come over and see me and try and make me feel better. But, clearly, there were not. The only thing I am missing from this place is my family, and a few friends. And being as none of us like the cold, I have no idea whats stopping them. Take a chance...it can pay off.
So here I am, in my 5th month of teaching 7th grade social studies. I consider myself much more aware of US history, and of the minds and insane development of 12 year olds. I know how to appreciate the little things, and I wake up every day happy that the sun is shining. I am a teacher. TEACHER. and for those of you that don't understand all that entails, just spend an afternoon with me, and I'll be sure to let you know. The 16 hours a day that I put in for my kids may be exhausting, but it's completely worth it.
And, to leave you with this video...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RxsOVK4syxU
The beginning of July I was highly anticipatory. While I was wiped out from long trainings, I was ready for the beginning of the school year and the start of my new life.
August hit, and it was a whirlwind, trying to keep up with lesson plans so I wouldn't fail my students. I spent my time trying to grade all the papers I gave them and build quality connections, and forgot about the most important thing--giving them a valuable education. I wanted to give them all the education in the world, but it wasn't until September that I started analyzing and criticizing my teaching methods in order to adjust them and give my students the best lessons possible. Taking large amounts of history and trying to get 12 year olds who are 3 years behind in reading and writing to remember it all is a difficult task. But through the past 4 months, I have been fine-tuning these skills, and am feeling much more confident in my ability to teach these children and change their lives.
October, when the rest of the state was on a one week fall break, my school did not get it. THIS was the slump into disillusionment. Oh my God, the hardest two months of my life were here, and I have never shed more tears. My administration has been completely unsupportive, but it finally hit the point where I felt as if they were trying to get me to fail my students so they could fire me. Their constant badgering turned me into a mess, and the stress was of ridiculous proportions. The homesickness was at full force, and I wanted more than anything to be able to go home. My sister came, which was a great help, and them one month later, November 10th-ish my mom came. It wasn't until the week after my mom came that I began to pick my head back up. My perspective as a teacher has shifted, and I have come to realize how much I love and appreciate my job, despite the great difficulty of it. There is still so much to learn, and juggling grad school and trying to sleep at the same time is very difficult.
I tried more than anything to keep my head up during this period, and I'll admit, not hearing the support from my "friends" back home made it even worse. People who said they really cared about me didn't make much attempt to talk to me, or try and save up to come see me. I have always been an attentive person, so I know peoples' spending habits when I'm around them. Which is why I know I am not a priority in many people's lives, because they would rather buy shoes than see me. Going home for Thanksgiving drilled that in even further, because only very few people reached out to see me. My heart feels empty, feeling residual feelings of love and desire for the ones that got away. That, is not a good feeling. I can't help thinking about that "what if" from 2 years ago, or the "what if" right now. One thing I do know in life, is that I want to find someone for me.
But even still, I am happy, and once again fully content living in Phoenix, Arizona. I knew I loved it here, especially the weather, but the feelings of homesickness made me doubt myself. I thought, if I was at home there would be people who would come over and see me and try and make me feel better. But, clearly, there were not. The only thing I am missing from this place is my family, and a few friends. And being as none of us like the cold, I have no idea whats stopping them. Take a chance...it can pay off.
So here I am, in my 5th month of teaching 7th grade social studies. I consider myself much more aware of US history, and of the minds and insane development of 12 year olds. I know how to appreciate the little things, and I wake up every day happy that the sun is shining. I am a teacher. TEACHER. and for those of you that don't understand all that entails, just spend an afternoon with me, and I'll be sure to let you know. The 16 hours a day that I put in for my kids may be exhausting, but it's completely worth it.
And, to leave you with this video...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RxsOVK4syxU
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